We here at Keystone offer our clients SEO services.  SEO stands for Search Engine Optimization, and it’s the process of helping your website communicate your business and your keywords to the search engines. There are a host of companies out there making outlandish promises regarding search engines, and they con a lot of people out of their money. 

From time to time, we get an email or a phone call from one of these companies, and I gamely play along.  I act stupid and ignorant of SEO practices and let them give me their snake-oil salesman routine so that I can better help you–the client–steer clear of such scams. 

Today I got a fun call from eLocal Listings, offering one of the shadiest SEO pitches I’ve ever received.  We’ll just call the guy Bob, because I was so busy trying not to laugh that I forgot his real name.  Bob started out by telling me that his company could help us land tons of new clients through search engine placement.  I’ll just list the errors, omissions, and outright lies I found in what he said, and then explain why he’s wrong: 

1. He didn’t do his research.  The first move Bob made was to not research our site and see that we offer SEO services ourselves.  So he could have saved himself some embarrassment by not trying to lie to someone who knows more about real SEO than he ever will. 

2. He didn’t test his theories.  Bob had done just enough research to know that Keystone offers Network Administration services (helping clients with their office computer networks) and that we were located in Hendersonville, TN.  So Bob asked me to go to Yahoo and search for “network integration hendersonville, tn” so I could see that we don’t rank well for that keyword phrase.  Problem is… we do.  We’re number one, in fact (because I do my job, and do it fairly well, and also because there simply aren’t a lot of “network integration” companies in the small town of Hendersonville, TN). 

I pointed out to Bob that we were already #1 for that term, and it was the first of many times to come where he was a bit speechless.  “Well, you’ve got that one organically, don’t you?”  Yes, Bob.  Yes we do.  Any other brilliant sales pitch techniques you want to run by me? 

Bob’s solution to this sales roadblock was to say “Well, what if you search for ‘web development hendersonville, tn’?”  I ran that query and as Bob started to point out how we didn’t rank for that, I interrupted him to say that “Well, we’re not number 1, but we’re on that first page… 8th down the list.” 

So Bob clearly didn’t run these queries before calling me.  He was just banking on the fact that he’d be right, and we wouldn’t rank at all.  Eventually he found a phrase we didn’t rank for, and seemed to feel some pride about it.  Good for you, Bob. 

3. He used Yahoo for his examples.  Bob, if you really knew about SEO, you’d know that Google is the dominant player, with over 60% market share, and that Yahoo is a VERY distant second.  It should be noted that I really could care less how well or poorly I rank on Yahoo.  But Bob was basing his entire pitch on a search engine that only has 17% of the search market at best. 

4. He made vague boasts about his services.  Bob said, “We have a special relationship with Google and Yahoo, because of the fine work that we do–in fact, both companies are considering buying us.  Google’s been to our offices and we’ve been to theirs.  Because of this special relationship, we can submit your keywords to them directly instead of going through the normal channels.”  Ugh.  So, I’ll deal with this more in a moment… for now, just know that no SEO has a special arrangement with Google or Yahoo that allows them to circumvent normal SEO practices.  It’s somewhere between a sneaky sales tactic and an outright lie.  Oh, and just because you have been to their offices (which I doubt) doesn’t prove some secret pact with them.  I’ve been to the White House, so does that mean I have a “special relationship” with President Bush?

5. He uses link farms.  Bob said that in addition to submitting my keywords to Google through his special relationship with them, he would also be providing me with a one-page website about our business.  And because they give these one-page sites to all their clients, he can also then promise hundreds of links would be set up to be directed at my site.  Links can, indeed, be helpful for SEO.  But there is a HUGE difference between links that occur naturally and links that are part of giant spammy link networks.  The former is helpful, the latter can get your site banned from search engines altogether. 

6. He lied to me.  Bob said they had Google’s logo on their site, and had it because of their “special relationship.”  He told him which page on their site had the logo, and I saw a little button that says “We follow Google’s Webmaster Guidelines.”  And there’s a small graphic with Google-colored circles in it.  But it wasn’t Google’s “logo.”

Bob went on and on about how hard it is to get Google to let you use their logo, so that MUST mean eLocal is legitimate. 

Whatever, Bob.  That’s not the real Google logo.  Besides, I can right-click and “save as” on any graphic I find online, and then post that graphic on my website… it doesn’t prove anything. 

Bob’s real lie, however, is in that button’s claim that eLocal  Listings “follows Google’s Webmaster Guidelines.”  No, Bob, you don’t.  See, I clicked that button, and it took me to this page on Google’s site, listing some of their qualifications on what makes someone a good or bad SEO.  There are three key passages on this page that I want to highlight to you, where Google takes the time to warn you about shady SEO people.  Here’s the first one:

Be wary of SEO firms and web consultants or agencies that send you email out of the blue.

Amazingly, we get these spam emails too:

    “Dear google.com,
    I visited your website and noticed that you are not listed in most of the major search engines and directories…”

Reserve the same skepticism for unsolicited email about search engines as you do for “burn fat at night” diet pills or requests to help transfer funds from deposed dictators.

Amen, Google.  And Bob here just cold-called me to offer unsolicited SEO services.  Sure, he didn’t email… he used the phone.  But I think I’ll go ahead and put him in the pile with the rest of the diet pill and Viagra solicitations I get.  Here’s another section I want to point out:

No one can guarantee a #1 ranking on Google.

Beware of SEOs that claim to guarantee rankings, allege a “special relationship” with Google, or advertise a “priority submit” to Google. There is no priority submit for Google. In fact, the only way to submit a site to Google directly is through our Add URL page or through the Webmaster Tools and you can do this yourself at no cost whatsoever.

Let me emphasize my favorite part… “Beware of SEOs that claim to guarantee rankings, (or) allege a ’special relationship’ with Google…”  Bob… buddy.  Pal.  You already told me on three separate occasions during this call that your company has a special relationship with Google.  Then you took me from your site to Google’s Webmaster Guidelines site that explicitly tells me to avoid people that do that.  Are you trying to kill your own sale?

Okay, here’s the last part of Google’s warnings that applies:

Avoid SEOs that talk about the power of “free-for-all” links, link popularity schemes, or submitting your site to thousands of search engines. These are typically useless exercises that don’t affect your ranking in the results of the major search engines — at least, not in a way you would likely consider to be positive.

So, again, you’ve linked me to a Google page that tells me to steer clear of link schemes, after you promised your link scheme would help me rank better.  Which is it, Bob?  Do you want to give me a bunch of spammy links to help my rankings or have me listen to Google (who tells me the opposite)?  I asked Bob directly why he was promising to use links in a way that this Google page said was bad, and do you know what he did?  He changed the subject immediately, and started talking about how they can choose the best 10 keywords for me and submit them to Google.  Deflection is the oldest shady sales trick in the book, people.  “Hey, look over there!”

7. He told me they would pick my keywords.  If I’m paying someone to rank my site better on Google, I at least want to have some input as to what keyword phrases are targeted.  For instance, even if Bob had been able to show that Keystone doesn’t rank well for “network integration hendersonville, tn”, it wouldn’t have bothered me.  “Network integration” is not a very common search phrase.  Maybe “network administration”… definitely “office computer networks” (which we rank #1 for, by the way).  But not “network integration.”  If this is the kind of keyword phrases Bob was going to be able to rank me for, I have to wonder how valuable that service is. 

8. He didn’t follow through.  Before we hung up, I asked him to send me something in writing via email… some overview of their services so I could “sit down with my boss and talk over our options.”  He agreed.  Here we are, 6 hours later and I still haven’t received it.  So either Bob lied and never intended to send it, or he sent it and it was caught by my spam filter.  Either way, it doesn’t reflect well on him. 

The list of errors could go on and on–and I’ve already written a novel here.  The point is, be on the lookout for shady SEO pitches, and run from them. 

For reference, here is the main launchpad page for Google’s Webmaster Guidelines.  It details pretty much all the do’s and don’ts of SEO, and will help you determine if that joker on the phone has any clue what he’s talking about or not.  Or… better yet… just call me when you have a shady SEO offering you unrequested services.  I’ll be happy to tell you what I think–for free.  And if you want to forward me any unsolicited SEO services emails, I am compiling a nice collection of these losers and would love to add yours.